HOW TO BEAD A ROGUE ELEPHANT The Musings Of A Jewelry Designer: Doubt / Self-Doubt

The beep-beep-beep was heard over the loudspeaker. The principal was about to make an announcement. It was high school advanced literature class. About 20 of us were paying half-attention to the teacher. The interruption was welcome. Our eyes moved up and to the right at the speaker near the clock and above the door.

The principal began by announcing the National Honors Society inductees in our class. He read off the names, slowly, clearly, one-by-one. I listened very closely. Hoping to hear my name. Not sure I would, but it would be some kind of vindication, some recognition, for all the hate I had endured in that school over the past 4 years.

He got to the end. My name wasn’t called. Nor was Dean’s, the other Jewish student with straight A’s and a record of community service. Nor was Chen’s, the only Chinese-American student, and also with straight A’s and a record of community service. Of course not.

My first emotion was embarrassment. I immediately thought the other students in the room would notice that my name wasn’t called, and would look at me. But they were oblivious. No one cared. They would only have reacted if the National Honors Society roll included someone who wasn’t white, wasn’t Christian, wasn’t advantaged.